I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
birth control should be required to get into college
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
