before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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