Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
