Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
