I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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