All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
