So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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