he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
