Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
