Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
