I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
