6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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