I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize