it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
