just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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