this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
What happened to fro yo and sex?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
