you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
