She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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