Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize