i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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