I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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