Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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