The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
