she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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