Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I can text with my tongue
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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