Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
