Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
