i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize