Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
