He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
