Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
