he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
