he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
