the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
