I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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