she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
