Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
