so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
