He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
