Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize