Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
