can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize