he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
