Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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