We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
