just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
