My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Houston, we have a blender
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
