I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
