shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
