the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
