If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
