guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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