you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
