I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
