Do vagina's smell?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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