if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
