Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
