jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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