Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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