i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
