my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
