Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
