I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
