drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
