This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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