Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Your penis caused this!
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