her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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