hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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