Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
