matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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